ex officio

(changed my mind about the shoes)


Three questions a man asks himself when falling in love*:
• How can I win her?
• How many have known her?
• And when will I see her again?

It’s that second one that intrigues me. It seems particularly masculine to me: there’s a competitiveness, an inherent need to one-up, not just one ex, but any and all exes, that I suspect is genuine. Everyone wants to be loved best and last, but I doubt it’s a coincidence that it was a man from whom I first heard the term “bruised peach.” He was referring at the time to his wife, and the circumstances in which she converted to Mormonism and subsequently married him. An awful thing to say, but said with humility. And pride.

A woman has to be desired to be desirable, but she can’t be too experienced or too demanding. She should be bruised a bit, but not damaged. I’ve been thinking about exes lately. In the abstract, not my own. Something about a friend looking for the perfect pair of shoes to wear to a wedding, at which her husband’s ex would be in attendance. The shoes weren’t exactly the issue.

There is no substitution when it comes to love; relationships have a cumulative effect. There’s a layering of experience and expectation, a build-up, both a buffer and a wall.


* from a novel I enjoyed but do not recommend