(more) hearts and flowers
I’m not the only one whose head is full of hearts and flowers these days. I’m really interested in relationships, that much is obvious, but I’m not really one to give advice. Even so, a friend wrote me with a good question: What does it mean when she is peeling the label off the beer when I’m talking w/ her? He assures me it’s no joke.
And he’s right. Her body will give her away. Facial expressions, tone of voice, “illustrators” -- these are all perfectly harmless in normal circumstances. But when there is some conflict in the self (some call it stress), these mannerisms speed up, especially the repetitive ones like hair-twirling, finger-tapping, label-peeling; our hands carry out our heart’s desires. Make too few gestures, you’ve got something to hide. Make too many, and you are trying to distract. Emotional signals are so easy to spot, and we all know what to look for. We do it as a matter of course.
We’ve got the knowledge -- when people pretend to smile, the corners of their mouths turn down, not up, and even babies know to check the wrinkles around the eyes -- but there’s always a danger of misinterpretation. There’s a reason a polygraph is not admissible in court.
Lying is just one source of stress. There are many others. Like fear, arousal, and love.
And he’s right. Her body will give her away. Facial expressions, tone of voice, “illustrators” -- these are all perfectly harmless in normal circumstances. But when there is some conflict in the self (some call it stress), these mannerisms speed up, especially the repetitive ones like hair-twirling, finger-tapping, label-peeling; our hands carry out our heart’s desires. Make too few gestures, you’ve got something to hide. Make too many, and you are trying to distract. Emotional signals are so easy to spot, and we all know what to look for. We do it as a matter of course.
We’ve got the knowledge -- when people pretend to smile, the corners of their mouths turn down, not up, and even babies know to check the wrinkles around the eyes -- but there’s always a danger of misinterpretation. There’s a reason a polygraph is not admissible in court.
Lying is just one source of stress. There are many others. Like fear, arousal, and love.
posted by soap at
9:55 AM
9 Comments:
"fear, arousal, and love."
Indeed. Mix the three together (X2), add a pinch of oriental spice, a splash of mojito, top it up with a clink and a glance through a glass door, and you have the perfect night, the perfect start, full of promise...
But you probably have no idea what I am talking about... right?
Oops, forgot two other essential ingredients: two rats!
They say that 70% of our communication is not through the spoken word.
As for your friend and the label-peeling, I'd be inclined to ask how much she was fondling the bottle!
In the interests of keeping things tasteful, I won't say any more... but you are right... we speak volumes without saying a word.
Very astute, both of you! The element I left off the list was trouble, big trouble, but we don't want to get into any of that around here.
SE, you are... naughty!
Sissy, I think that the trouble factor doesn't kick in until later, usually...
Don't you have to peel a beer before you can drink it?
Oh yeah, first things first (a perfect start).
The trouble starts w/ the rules and articles governing the employee, I.E. me. Although a good friend suggested I bag the rules and persue the lovely young woman just the same.
Yes, there was bottle fondling, but not obscene.
Still don't know what the peeling label meant and now it is too late anyway.
Sissoula,
glad I could contribute to your conversations.
what a seriously esoteric post!! I am so lost!!
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